House Speaker Newt Gingrich, when asked if the film “Boys Town,” which Gingrich introduced to a television audience, should be remade by a Hollywood studio.
“I accept Candy… But I do wish that Candy would be - how should I say it? - natural.?” Kathleen Gingrich, mother of House Speaker Newt, on her lesbian daughter
“He might be in the other 10 percent.”
Former U.S. surgeon general Joycelyn Elders, on where Newt Gingrich might fall in studies showing that 90 percent of Americans masturbate. Elders lost her post after remarking that masturbation “perhaps should be taught.”
“As you might imagine, this is not a moment that I had been waiting for.”
Democrat Richard Gephardt, on introducing the new GOP speaker on the House floor
“If combat means living in a ditch, females have biological problems staying in a ditch for 30 days because they get infections; males are biologically driven to go out and hunt giraffes.” Gingrich, in a lecture to students on why most women are not suited to traditional military combat
“Talking is more tiring than I thought.”
Gingrich, winding down his 25-city book tour
President Clinton, in his address to the nation on why the U.S. should send troops to Bosnia
“Even the sovereign is subject to God and the law.” U.S. District Judge Susan Webber Wright, refusing to dismiss Paula Jone’s sexual-harassment charges against Clinton
“Just another day at the White House.” Clinton, after a former pizza-delivery man with an empty pistol climbed the fence into the garden and was tackled and shot by Secret Service guards
“The president is relevant here, especially an activist president.”
The president, in an April news conference, when asked if he was concerned about Republicans dominating the media’s attention
“[I behaved] liked a prime minister, not a president … [and created] a cardboard cutout of myself
Clinton, placing the blame on himself for some of the early failures of his administration, in a conversation wit author Ben Wattenberg
“There are too many today … who seek to sow division for their own purposes. To them I say, no more. We must be one..
President Clinton, in a speech on the day of the Million Man March
“He says he regrets any mistakes he has made. So do I.?
Clinton, on ethical allegations facing Housing Secretary Henry Cisneros
“This moment offers us to the opportunity to bind up our own wounds.”
The president, opening U.S. relations with Vietnam
“It was so breathtaking that we even laughed.”
Tom Ammiano, on the rubber gloves White House security donned before he and dozens of other gay elected officials met there with senior officials
“Probably there are people in this room still mad at me because you think I raised your taxes too much. It might surprise you to know that I think I raised them too much, too.”
Clinton, at a campaign fund-raiser in Houston
“Do you have cows in your home?”
Unidentified Bangladesh woman, to Hillary Clinton, during the First Lady’s good-will visit to Asia
“This is a chick trip.”
“My theory is, don’t do it before you’re 21 and then don’t tell me about it.
The first Lady, on teens and sex
“The White House looks like Beefsteak Charlie’s now.” Designer Isaac Mizrahi, on the First Lady’s fashion sense, in the inaugural issue of John F. Kennedy Jr.’s magazine, George
“If there is one messages that echoes forth from this conference, it is that human rights are women’s rights, and women’s right are human rights once and for all.”
Hillary Clinton, addressing the World Conference on Women, in Beijing
“It is the height of hypocrisy for Senator Dole, who wants to repeal the assault-weapons ban …”
Director Oliver Stone, on Senate Majority Leader bob Dole’s attack on the entertainment industry’s obsession with sex and violence.
“My cholestrol’s lower than Clinton’s, my blood pressure’s lower than Clinton’s, my weight is less than Clinton’s.
Dole, 72, on the age factor in the ‘96 presidential race
“I can’t figure the fellow out … It seems to me he has a checklist and if we don’t do it in a week, he’s going to run for president.”
Dole on Ross Perot
“To offer myself as a candidate for president requires a commitment and a passion … Such a life requires a calling that I do not yet hear.”
Powell, announcing he would not run for the 1996 Republican presidential nomination.
“In Alma’s case, it’s probably 51 [percent].”
Powell, on how much as his wife had in whether would run for president
to the store.
Fellow black men, I’m your new leader! And Jew are planning to disrupt, my daughter’s weddin’!…
Louis Perotakhan
Rejected Names for Ross Perot’s Political Party
from “Late With David Letterman” 10. The Rosstafarians 9. United We’re Nuts 8. The Dork-O-Crats 7. Wacky Ass Billionaires 6. The You Might Be A Redneck If You Join This Party 5. The Adorable Miniature Candidate And His Friends 4. Yankee Doodle Psychos 3. El Party De Nutjobs 2. Shorty And The Blowfish 1. The Hair Club For Geeks
“This way he can be the kingmaker and the kingbreaker. But he will never be the king.”
Frank Luntz, who worked for Ross Perot during his 1992 campaign, and who is now advising Republican presidential candidate Phil Gramm of Texas “You can slam-dunk deliver a new party and change history!”
Perot, to 500 of his faithful during a rally in Buena Park, Calif.
“If the B-2 is invisible, just announce you’ve built of them and don’t build them.” House budget Committee chairman John Kasich, on further production of the stealth bombers It says, “you GOP candidates are so bland and uninspired I can’t take it anymore….
“He tries to forget that Clinton is president.”
Radio talk-show host and son of former president Ronald Reagan Michael Reagan, in a moment if levity on his father’s battle with Alzheimer’s disease
“Did I win the Lotto?”
Rep. Mel Reynolds of Illinois, on hearing an 18-year-old woman propose a “threesome” with a 15-year-old girl. Reynolds is serving a five-year sentence, after being convicted of criminal sexual assault, solicitation of child pornography and obstruction of justice.
“We apologize to all African-Americans for condoning and/or perpetuating individual and systematic racism in our lifetime.”
Excerpt from the official apology resolution adopted by the overwhelmingly white Southern Baptist Convention
Senator Gramm, do you find it demanding for presidential candidates to be continually trying to raise money?..
How so?..
Neither party speaks to people… Both have moved away from my own concept of service and my own vision of what America can be.” Sen. Bill Bradley, on why he won’t seek a fourth term in 1996
Let me get this straight-removing a lung will help me breathe better?…
“LEt him run his own race and I’ll run mine.” South Carolina, Strom Thurmond, kicking off his campaign for an eight term by refusing to debate his opponent
“No Job is beneath me.”
Florida Republican Rep. Mark Foley, on serving in Congress after being a blue-collar worker
“Your invited.” Form envelopes containing invitations to a “California Celebration with Mike and Arianna Huffington” at the state GOP convention
“It is my duty to resign. It is the honorable thing to do for this country, for this Senate.” Sen. Bob Packwood, in his resignation speech
left the Senate ‘cause the guys were jealous of my deft touch with the chicks.
You’re not altering your diary, are you?…
“…Packwood, you rotter. Do not lead this woman on. I could tell by the end of the evening she was, I don’t want to say entranced, but she was obviously impressed…“I just below my hair…It had just the right amount of bounce to it, and wave to it…”
Excerpts from the senator’s diaries
Golly, those signs are confusing. What language are they in?
Clintonese
Welcome to Bosnia
The American pilot ejected safely and after six days was rescued, returning home to a hero’s welcome…And they all lived happily ever after…
“You are going to keep me locked up in Dayton, Ohio?
Serbian President Slobodan Milosevic, joking about the isolated location to talks to end the war in Bosnia and Herzegovina
““I didn’t like politics at all … I was the happiest man in all the world with my psychiatry, poetry, friends and family.”
Bosnian Serb leader and indicted war criminal Radovan Karadzic, reflecting on his life before the war
“The Foreign RElations Committee has had the honors of welcoming the distinguished prime minister of India.”
Senate Foreign Relations Committee has had the honor of welcoming the distinguished prime minister of India.”
Senate Foreign Relations Committee chairman Jesse Holms, introducing Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto of Pakistan on the floor of the Senate
“It’s not just because he didn’t invite me to dinner, but because on my way into town from tghe airport there were such enormous potholes.”
Cuban President Fidel Castro, explaining why he would not vote for New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani
“Bread is part of our natioal identity .. if there isn’t any left, we won’t know who we really are.”
French Agriculture Minister Philippe Vasseur, launching an ad campaign to boost sales of baguettes, which have been declining for several years
“I .. express here once again my feelings of deep remorse and state my heartfelt apology.”
Japanese Prime Minister Tomiichi Murayama, in a landmark apology for atrocities his country committed in World War II
“Grandfather you were the pillar of fire in front of the camp and now we are just a camp left alone in he dark; and we are so cold and sad.”
Noa Ben-Artzi Philosof, 17, grandaugther of Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, in her eulogy at his funeral
“When you kill in war, it is an act that is allowed.”
Yigal Amir, 25 confessed killer of Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin
“[It’s] a truly great moment for severe drunkards like myself.”
Pub patron Adam Stonebridge, on the repeal of British laws requiring bars to close between 3 p.m. and 17 7 p.m. on Sundays
Johnnie Cochran’s a smarty little weasel trying to steal the Spotlight!
Hey, Shapiro, Shut your fat mouth!
Opening arguments began today in the O.J. trial
Bailiff, in he can’t live
“I loved you too much … that was my problem … I loved you too much.”
O.J. Simpson, at the coffin of his slain ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, according to court documents
“June 13, 1994, was the worst nightmare of my life. This is the second.”
Fred Goldman, father of murder victim Ron Goldman, after the not-guilty verdict.
“Size small. I guess it’s Mr. Bailey’s. Marcia Clark responding to introduce a small glove, instead of an extra large one, as a stand-in for the one allegedly used by Simpson
“We not only placed the race card, we dealt it from the bottom of the deck.
Disgrunted Simpson attorney Robert Shapiro, at the end of the trial
“The real evil in America … is called white supremacy.”
Louis Farrakhan, addressing the Million Man March in Washington
“Affirmative actin has been good for America. Mend it, but don’t end it.”
President Clinton, in defense od race-based preferences in a speech at the National Archives
“To ignore race and sex is racist and sexiest.” Jesse Jackson, speaking and hearing immediately before the governing regents of the university of California voted to stop admitting students, hiring professors and awarding contracts on the basis of race and sex
“BEER WINE GUNS AMMO PICNIC SUPPLIES.”
Sign at roadside convenience store in south Texas
“To attack … any government law-enforcement people as ‘wearing Nazi bucket helmets’ … is a vicious slander.”
Former president George Bush, in letter to the National Rifle Association, resigning his life membership
In my day, there was no “Internet”! I had to walk miles in the snow to write smut on restroom walls!..
“I wouldn’t describe him as sophisticated computer user.”
Long Island school-district superintendent Sidney Freund, on a 16-year-old who e-mailed a bomb threat to his former school without disguising his name
“I’m sure I’ll be asking that question as I stare out the window into the rain.”
Washington, D.C. pundit Michael Kinsley, on whether he’ll be happy living in Redmond, Wash., where he’s moving to edit a Microsoft online magazine.
“This is the biggest thing since New Coke.” Richard Schneider, a computer-store customer, on the launch of Microsoft’s Windows 95
“Copy will not submitted to Roseanne to edit.” New Yorker editor, Tina Brown, on the TV cosmic’s duties as editorial consultant for an issue
“[Science] will conquer famine, eliminate psychological suffering, make everybody healthy and happy.’ Yeah, sure.”
From the Unabomer’s lengthy manifesto, “Industrial Society and Its Future, excerpted in The New York Times and The Washington Post
“But it’s on my bowling night.”
“Late Show” host David Letterman, responding facetiously to an invitation to host the Academy Awards ceremony. He later accepted.
George thinks Dolley Madison’s got a big butt…
“It became so obvious, to me anyway, that we were simply dead wrong, that we were caving in.”
“60 Minutes” correspondent Mike Wallace, a day after the program announced that an interview with a former tobacco executive had been pulled because od fear of a lawsuit
She’s a bitch.” Kathleen Gingrich, whispering her son Newt’s opinion of Hillary Rodham Clinton to Connie Chung in an interview, after Chung assured her the comment would be “just between you and me”
“Pray for me. Don’t brag. And don’t talk to Connie Chung.”
Barbara Bush, on what her son, Texas Gov. George W., asks of her
“Women are handicapped by having boobs.”
CBS golf analyst Ben Wright, on why men play golf better than women, as quoted in a Delaware newspaper interview. Wright denied making the remark.
Drop anchor.
“Do we have sex? Yes, yes, yes.”
Michael Jackson’s wife, Lisa Marie Presley, anticipating Diane Sawyer’s question during the celebrity couple’s first nationally interview
You’re competing against Jenny Jones, Geraldo Montel and Ricki Lake. Frankly, you’re too tame..
“Last night I did something completely insane.”
Actor Hugh Grant, on his arrest for allegedly engaging in “lewd conduct” with a Sunset Boulevard prostitute
“I’m not noted for my social graces.”
Former New York governor Mario Cuomo, on why it took 40 years for him to be hired by a “white shoe” law firm, Willie Farr & Gallagher
“That’s the last time I’m going to cook in the nude.”
X-rated cable-TV show host Robin Byrd, after accidentally burning her breasts on a baking pan
“[He’s] a stupid bore who couldn’t get a job in pictures, which was why he went into politics.”
What Frank Sinatra allegedly thought of his friend Ronald Reagan, according to Shirley MacLaine’s memoirs
“It’s amazing what a broad will do for a buck.”
Frank Sinatra, on MacLaine’s tell-all
“We ate breakfast. We ate lunch. We ate dinner. We rented movies and ate ice cream … We had some f—ing dignity.”
Courtney Love, flamboyant widow of Nirvana lead singer Kurt Cobain, engaged in pursuits other than drug use
“There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded…”
Princess Diana, on her husband’s infidelity
“I did your drug.”
Oprah Winfrey, during a taping of a show, responding to a guest who had admitted smoking cocaine
“Not in this lifetime.” Film star Sharon Stone in an interview, recalling that Madonna wanted to give her “a big French kiss” during a Miami Heat basketball game last year
“It’s starting to add up.” Actor Charlie Sheen, in a videotapes deposition shown at the Heidi Fleiss trial, in which he admitted paying Fleiss more than $53,000 for call girls
“Death, taxes and Cal.”
Seen on a T shirt at Camden Yards when Baltimore Orioles shortstop Cal Ripken Jr., surpassed baseball legend Lou Gehrig’s record of 2,130 consecutive games played
“Umm .. no.” Outfielder Daryl Strawberry, hesitating for a moment, then responding to a judge’s question on whether he had taken drugs in the last few days
“He’s cute.”
Former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson, on Peter McNeely, his first opponent in the ring since going to prison
“I bought an Olympic license tag. I bought an Olympic brick. And this is the tanks I get.”
Atlanta resident Dan Boling, after finding out his landlord planned to sublease his $475-a-month apartment to Olympic visitors for $3,000 a month
Of course, it’s gonna take a few more games until he’s fully back…
“He was our guy. When he was hot, we felt great. When he slumped or got hurt, we sagged a bit, too.”
NBC sports broadcaster Bob Costas, eulogizing baseball legend Mickey Mantle, who died this summer after receiving a liver transplant
“Whoever did this should die a vicious death.”
Medical worker Gary Jenkins, on the devastating bomb that destroyed Oklahoma City’s federal building
“The first thing I did was grab the phone and call her work number. And of course, there was no work number.”
Computer repairman Charles Stratton, on his trying to contact his wife, a clerk in the federal building’s army recruiting office.
“They don’t like to pay taxes.” Decker, Mich., resident Randy Izydorek, on the alleged anti-government sentiments of his neighbor, Terry Nichols, who turned himself in to authorities two days the blast
“Listen, this ain’t raunchy business. It’s a cowboy bar where guys drink beer and hit themselves over the head with their bottles.
Elkie Castricone, owner of the Crazy Horse Saloon in Buffalo, N.Y. where the sister of Oklahoma City bombing suspect Tim McVeigh worked as a Jell-O wrestler
